Girlfriend by definition...

So, it's Halloween Eve and i'm doing a post to help my self not be so mad at "me". I have had girlfriends in the past and i can truely say that i am in love with only one. You. I have this problem you see, i get the word "Girlfriend" stuck in my head. I label you as that. This is the biggest problem i have as a guy. Girlfriend consists of two words, girl and friend. Girl by definition is a born female from birth to adulthood. Friend by definition is one attached to another by affection or esteem. Girlfriend by definition is a frequent or regular female companion in a romantic or sexual relationship. The girlfriend definition gets stuck in my head and i forget "friend". Friend is the basis of this compound word, but i lose it. I want to be all lovey dovey with you. I want to be intimate with you. The stuff i do with my friends i do with you, but i stopped. I'm sorry. I feel horrible for it.

I also know that when two people engage in conversation that it's not one-sided where one has input and the other listens. I don't input anymore. I'm also sorry for this. I don't realize what i do and it's never intentional. Blah... I'm going to see you tomorrow and we're having this dispute. Also, this blog is not helping me... -sigh-

"Love you too..."

Please stay here for just tonight...

So, i'm listening to this song by Chase Coy from Dear Juliet called "If the moon fell down" and i'm sad/happy. It's one of those "cutesy" songs, but I want to talk to you, honest to GOD i do... I just always seem busy to you. That's weird of me to give off that vibe every afternoon. I got really sad this evening trying to contact you and yerned to talk to you. I broke into tears listening to this song. In a way, it made me miss you... Like i always do. But this, was the kind of sadness that brought me tears while doing ANYTHING. play video games, eating, sitting, lying down, even breathing. I couldn't take it. I just wanted to talk to you for the rest of the day...

"If The Moon Fell Down" - Chase Coy

Everytime I see your smile
it makes my heart beat fast
And though it's much too soon to tell
I'm hoping this will last
'Cause I just always wanna have you
Right here by my side
The futures near but never certain
At least stay here for just tonight
I must have done something right
To deserve you in my life
I must have done something right along the way
I just can't get you off my mind and why would I even try?
Even when I close my eyes I dream about you all the time
And even if the moon fell down tonight,
There'd be nothing to worry about to worry about at all,
because you make the whole world shine
As long as you're here everything will be alright

Think outside the box.

To my understanding, i have litteraly FUCKED myself. All you want from me is more attention. the ily's aren't enough. I can't seem to grasp the fact that... Yes, i haven't been giving you the attention you so desire/want/need. So, as of tonight (Not that i only realize this now) but because of how ignorant i have been.. I am soul-heartedly going to attempt to give you as much attention I can give anybody. Although, you're not just anybody to me. You ARE my world. Such a dependent thing to say, but my life does revolve around you. I NEED to show you how much i care. I NEED to show you how much i love you. I NEED to be there for you... There IS a reason why i'm not drowning. I'm filled with air.

I apologize...

My pessimistic thoughts have taken over my mind so much these past years. In all honesty, i have never had a girl love me as you do. They all gave up on me *broke up with me* because of so many different reasons. I.E. distance, too bland and boring, and because loss of interest. It's so hard for me to just Accept that you DO love me as much as i love you. So, as i eased my body into water, i slipped and drowned. I love you more than anything right now, and my bad thoughts get to me at times. I know you want to reassure me and make me believe that you love me so much, but i've been behind this wall for so long that i'm afraid of being shot down again. Not saying i haven't let down my guard for you or anything, but for some odd reason i cannot come to a sure YES... It's like i'm afraid to for some reason. I'm afraid of giving my heart to someone, but yet i already have... I don't know what i'm talking about... It's so hard to explain... So in short form, I still am not sure. I'm not sure if you have such unconditional love like i have for you... But i'm being shown how much you DO love me.. i dont know babe. i want to say you're the one for me and that my search is done, so Can you please help myself come to ease? I just need to know for sure that i can put my ALL into you.

Flightless bird

So, as i was running today i just so happened to startle a flock of desert finches. They flew away gracefully & with finess. I saw as the birds moved so fluidly and with a flick of their wings they floated in the air. Free. I then thought to myself, I want to be free.

Now, we all know we can't physically fly like birds; when we fly we do so in progression. What comes to mind when you see the word "Free/Freedom"? A state of doing absolutely what you want without care, right? In a sense, Birds and humans resemble each other. A bird flaps it's wings to get to a certain elevation. We as humans resemble this by WORK. To get to levels we want to achieve, we have to "Flap" our wings to get there. Birds then get to a certain height and float/soar in the air. FREE. When we are successful in what we want, we get a feeling of accomplishment and excitement to the point where we FEEL we CAN do ANYTHING. This is freedom.

Now, birds do float/hover/soar in air but there is gravity pulling them down. This gravity us pulling them closer to earth. For humans, temptation and desire is our "gravity". Thus, birds flap their wings to get to that point of freedom again. Tempation and desire may bring us down because as a result, our freedom is limited now. To get that sense of freedom we want, we HAVE to work for it.

So, with all of this said... Apply this to society.
What a concept, huh?

For you ^_^

Hello Love bug, how’Re you today? Get up & get ready because an adventure is on the way. HOME Is such a pleasaNt place to be. It’s technically where I Came to see. YOu my baby, my boo, my girlfriend. So without further ado, let the search begiN!
(bolded letters spell out your next destination! :D)



Just pAssing by, no words to Say. “Hi! I Mean, Hello! Oh, by the way!” I had you in classes with many maNy peers. So many have Cried their share of teArs. Here is where you Said, “goodbye” for now. Let’s tAke a break and grab some chow.



Now you remember this place, don’t yOu? the alternatingG shAdes of bLuE in the Swimming pool? The food is so Good, but my oh mY! I think I lost track of the tiMe. Let’s go burn this off!



Now this Place, such a huge ground to cover. I would’ve gone here, but of course… my mother. We plAyed badminton, and held hands thRough the halls. Oh wait, that’s not until next year; Fall. Killing time, watching you swing. Baby let’s go somewhere nice. It’s a summer thing.



Now you’re Here… in this wOnderful spot. Friendship, they caLL It, but it’s so darN hot! Gosh! I Want to take yOu back, years and yeaRs ago. Yes, This is it Love bug. The last place is wHere it all began. Come to me! :]

Half of me resides...

Stripping off the clothing of the day... not wanting to. Tossing them in the clothes basket when i want to wear them still. Dirty, they're not dirty. They are cleansed with the feeling and thought of LOVE. When i parted from your house today, i could not walk correctly. I could not think correctly. I could not breathe correctly. I could not focus...

I never want to leave your side, EVER!!!

"You have stolen my heart" & i have never been happier in my life. I'm so happy that i have you, MKG I mean! MKI! [:
When i said that i wanted to be extremely close to your family, i meant it with all my heart... & breathe. I was so determined to be there and wanting to make an IMPACT on your fam that, your fam has made an impact on me. I love being around your family because of how close everyone really is. Your Mom, especially. She is very strong when it comes to providing EVERYONE with food and shelter. She and my mother have something in common too. Hayden; I was never close to my baby cousins like Jaden or Ethan, but Hayden has that smile that sucks you in!!! I honestly & finally feel that now, Your family has accepted me. I still want to grow closer and closer to them as i am with you though.

Remember last night over the phone? Remember how much i was crying?
anyways, what i'm trying to say is that the thought of you and your family finally accepting me, did that. I want to help out your family so much! Gyaaaaah! ok, back to the point...

I feel that Two Third's of me is left down there with you. The only thing not there is me physically. I am going to finish up my Junior year up here and I am MOVING down there my senior year, No buts. I love you baby, and each and everyday it grows exponentially.

"Like a thissle on a tree, Like a sparkle on the sea, You were MADE for GLORY"

Tear ducts & Cold steel strings

For some reason, i cannot cry right now. I hurt, ache, and bleed, but i cannot conjure up the full sensation of crying. These tearducts fill up but do not let out a steady stream of liquid. I was told tonight that if you were worth my time, you'd deal with the one more year until we finally got to be together in the same place at the same time. You didn't strike either of them as that kind of person to leave me for one event that didn't go our way. I'm given a compromise to bust my xss one more year and prove to them that i can deal with living down there my senior year...

"I doubt that"

doubt, it hurt when you said that. I don't doubt myself. I don't doubt you. I don't doubt that i can deal with the "Work load" that they give us. I'm not stupid, and you tell me that i'm not. So, why doubt the fact that i have the oppurunity to be there with you? I'm willing to give up senior year here to spend it there with you. Thus, going to homecoming with you, Prom, senior ditch day, and any other chance we get to spend together. It's what i want, and if you doubt that i'm going to move down there my senior year, FOR YOU... then why did i go through with trying my hardest to convice my parents to let me move this upcoming year?

I love you, i love you so much that i'm willing to give up a lot for you. I hold you close; closer than any other friend or past relationship. I want to love you for as long as my heart beats. I know we're young, and i know we make some choices right then and now because it's what we want... But sometimes we have to think about the future our choices bestow upon us. Please, spare one more year. I know it'll be tough, but I'm willing to do it. Please support me into getting to that point where I can spend every waking minute with you. Please. Stay with me.

& now the tears flow.

Your Hand in Mine

My eyes, they droop
My ears, they ache
These limbs, feel heavy
These feet, feel cold
This Heart, Sunken
This Soul, Captivated
But...
I am truely happy when I am sappy...

I become care-free when you smile at me...

I am lifted of pain when you are sane...

Like a 1st grader with paste, i love the way you smell, feel, and taste ...

I am madly in love, with you, my dove (out of the flock of pigeons)...

Baby, i want to make you see that we were meant to be...

So please come back to me with Glee...

Gaaaaaaaaahh, so i really FAIL at rhyming and trying to be cute or sweet. Bleh. late night posts, what a first.

Apologize just to repeat the process

Dear Joshua,

You tend to act very different when you are bothered by something. I don't know what the matter is, but it eventually leads to problems. Why do you cause problems? You can't be like this. When something bothers you, never keep it bottled up. You know how that works out; you EXPLODE on people when you shouldn't. Anyways, back to the point of this... You have a different tone, you do things you don't want, and you especially say things you never ever want to have come out your explicitly illicitness meaning your stupid monotoned voice. Do you think pessimistically because you want to? Do you like drama? Do you like hurting others? This is Bullshit, isn't it? Get your faggot-ass straight! You need to man up and tell people what you feel and what's on your mind or else they will assume that something terrible has happened to affect you in such a negative way. WHAT THE FUCK??! SERIOUSLY!!! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO SELFISH??! UGGH! Don't push away, keep close and take care.

Sincerely, Yourself

Couch Potatoes & Gamers to Innovative Thinking

So, this is once again another blog from me in a while. I am starting to question the Gaming industries, Television, and Technology in general. I mean, it's entertainment, right? a lot of people play video games, a lot of people enjoy playing it, a lot of people watch television, and they all enjoy being in the comfort of their own home and sitting around all day just to kick-back & relax like snorlax. Hmmm... another lame gamer/couch potatoe joke?

Atari 2600, Atari 5200, NES, Sega Genesis, SNES, N64, Sega Saturn, Sega CD, Nintendo Gameboy, Sega Handheld, Nintendo Gameboy Color, Sony Playstation X, Sega Dreamcast, Nintendo Gameboy Advance, Sony Playstation 2, Nintendo Gameboy SP, Microsoft XBOX, Nintendo Gamecube, Nintendo Gameboy micro, Sony Playstation Portable 1000, Sony Playstation Portable 2000, Sony Playstation Portable 3000, Sony Playstation 3, Nintendo Wii, Sony Playstation Portable GO. Wow, so many game systems... I haven't even named them all. This marks the era of Next Generation Gaming for us, but it sadly is our downfall. Just like last generations downfall was the Television.

Technology is exponentially increase at such a rate that our children will have almost whatever they want to get their hands on. Cellphones will be cheap, Televisions will be projected through glass walls, gaming systems will have full body motion captivation so that it's like you're actually in the game.

But, there are also pros to new and more innovative technological advances. Think of the diseases we can cure. Think about the greenhouse gases we can eliminate with the theory of using vegetable-oil or water as a fuel for automobiles. Think of the people we can save. Think of the other planets we can find and perhaps live on i.e. the MOON. Think of WORLD PEACE.

Such a future to look at, but will it be stable and sustainable? All we have to do as parents, friends, and family, is treat the Newer Generation right and make sure we set them on the right path. We can change this world, We just have to put our best foot forward and help each other progress into what we can call "THE FUTURE"

WOW

Well, first time i'm blogging in about a year.. crazy. I got back from AZ. last night. I went to go see my sister and watch her graduate from ASU. Bachelor of Science in Digital Design. Pretty niffty. I think i might start blogging again, be prepared for more. xD