privilously poncheezied

I'm sorry i got hired. I'm sorry i work. I'm sorry i'm busy. I'm sorry i don't txt you as much. I'm sorry i don't talk to you as much. I'm sorry i am doing this for the better. I'm sorry that it takes a lot of time. I'm sorry today wasn't the best. I'm sorry i am not there. I'm sorry i can't hold you. I'm sorry i can't kiss you. I'm sorry i can't hold my composure. I'm sorry it hurts. I'm sorry ....... *click*

Mr. Chen, Sailmaker

Well, i'm off work, home, full, showered, and it's late. 10:58, you're sleeping, and we still have school tomorrow... I honestly do not know why i'm doing a post... maybe to get things off my mind or chest; whichever weighs most. I want to cheer you up and make you stress-free, but it's extremely difficult when it pertains to certain problems. I miss you. This distance sucks. I want to fall asleep with you again. This job is wearing me out. I need to focus a little more on school. Music is my drug when you're not around, but it doesn't sufice. I need you. I love you. I cannot seem to stop thinking about you. I want to be closer. I'm happy whenever i'm with you. Babi, please...never let me go. I can't bear the thought of not having you... or someone else stealing you away. or someone else being more interesting, intelligent, attractive, and you falling for them instead of me. You're what i want. You're what i need. You're what i wake up everymorning for. I didn't feel like sleeping, because i wanted to talk to you more... But your game wore you out. I'm happy you won, and i'm happy you're doing well. Please don't leave me though... mmmm.. i'm tired now. I love you

Emotional contemplations

So, my drum instructor composes music of his own through myspace, a social network even before facebook. He plays guitar, drums, and piano, and also sings. Although he says that he isn't a very good singer, i think he has the potentional to move people through his emotions in his music. A song, "Closure", by Danny Concho made me cry... The power of this song moved me in ways that i cannot explain. It's beautiful, awesome, melodic, and a flat out amazing. He asked me to join him in playing little gigs here and there, and i want to take up his offer. He inspires me to become a good person. He's just one of those people. He has run into some trouble in his life, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, Right? He's one of my idols. Anyways, if you want to listen to his music, here's the link... VVVVVVVVVV

http://www.myspace.com/542403719

Girlfriend by definition...

So, it's Halloween Eve and i'm doing a post to help my self not be so mad at "me". I have had girlfriends in the past and i can truely say that i am in love with only one. You. I have this problem you see, i get the word "Girlfriend" stuck in my head. I label you as that. This is the biggest problem i have as a guy. Girlfriend consists of two words, girl and friend. Girl by definition is a born female from birth to adulthood. Friend by definition is one attached to another by affection or esteem. Girlfriend by definition is a frequent or regular female companion in a romantic or sexual relationship. The girlfriend definition gets stuck in my head and i forget "friend". Friend is the basis of this compound word, but i lose it. I want to be all lovey dovey with you. I want to be intimate with you. The stuff i do with my friends i do with you, but i stopped. I'm sorry. I feel horrible for it.

I also know that when two people engage in conversation that it's not one-sided where one has input and the other listens. I don't input anymore. I'm also sorry for this. I don't realize what i do and it's never intentional. Blah... I'm going to see you tomorrow and we're having this dispute. Also, this blog is not helping me... -sigh-

"Love you too..."

Please stay here for just tonight...

So, i'm listening to this song by Chase Coy from Dear Juliet called "If the moon fell down" and i'm sad/happy. It's one of those "cutesy" songs, but I want to talk to you, honest to GOD i do... I just always seem busy to you. That's weird of me to give off that vibe every afternoon. I got really sad this evening trying to contact you and yerned to talk to you. I broke into tears listening to this song. In a way, it made me miss you... Like i always do. But this, was the kind of sadness that brought me tears while doing ANYTHING. play video games, eating, sitting, lying down, even breathing. I couldn't take it. I just wanted to talk to you for the rest of the day...

"If The Moon Fell Down" - Chase Coy

Everytime I see your smile
it makes my heart beat fast
And though it's much too soon to tell
I'm hoping this will last
'Cause I just always wanna have you
Right here by my side
The futures near but never certain
At least stay here for just tonight
I must have done something right
To deserve you in my life
I must have done something right along the way
I just can't get you off my mind and why would I even try?
Even when I close my eyes I dream about you all the time
And even if the moon fell down tonight,
There'd be nothing to worry about to worry about at all,
because you make the whole world shine
As long as you're here everything will be alright

Think outside the box.

To my understanding, i have litteraly FUCKED myself. All you want from me is more attention. the ily's aren't enough. I can't seem to grasp the fact that... Yes, i haven't been giving you the attention you so desire/want/need. So, as of tonight (Not that i only realize this now) but because of how ignorant i have been.. I am soul-heartedly going to attempt to give you as much attention I can give anybody. Although, you're not just anybody to me. You ARE my world. Such a dependent thing to say, but my life does revolve around you. I NEED to show you how much i care. I NEED to show you how much i love you. I NEED to be there for you... There IS a reason why i'm not drowning. I'm filled with air.

I apologize...

My pessimistic thoughts have taken over my mind so much these past years. In all honesty, i have never had a girl love me as you do. They all gave up on me *broke up with me* because of so many different reasons. I.E. distance, too bland and boring, and because loss of interest. It's so hard for me to just Accept that you DO love me as much as i love you. So, as i eased my body into water, i slipped and drowned. I love you more than anything right now, and my bad thoughts get to me at times. I know you want to reassure me and make me believe that you love me so much, but i've been behind this wall for so long that i'm afraid of being shot down again. Not saying i haven't let down my guard for you or anything, but for some odd reason i cannot come to a sure YES... It's like i'm afraid to for some reason. I'm afraid of giving my heart to someone, but yet i already have... I don't know what i'm talking about... It's so hard to explain... So in short form, I still am not sure. I'm not sure if you have such unconditional love like i have for you... But i'm being shown how much you DO love me.. i dont know babe. i want to say you're the one for me and that my search is done, so Can you please help myself come to ease? I just need to know for sure that i can put my ALL into you.